5 Things I Wish I Hadn’t Said To My Mum Friends, Before I Had Kids
- Mums & Bubs
By: Marie Ashworth, ellaslist
Many of my oldest friends started having kids a decade before me. These were my friends I’d grown up with, partied with, shared gloriously fun and free weekends with. Now they were having babies and I had no idea what being a Mum of a little one entailed. Of course, now I’ve done it myself, I totally get it and regret some of those things I said. I’m incredibly grateful that they gave me some slack for my naivety and our friendships have not only survived but grown stronger.
A mutual understanding and respect between parent and non-parent friends is crucial so it was interesting to look back at those things I wish I hadn’t said to my Mum friends before I became a parent.
1. Let’s catch up in the morning. We’ll play it by ear as to what time!
There was no routine pre-kids apart from going to work. Dates and times could be changed in an instant. So I was happy for meeting times to be fluid and had no inkling the impact this had on my Mum friends’ meticulous planning of feeds, sleeps and childcare. I’m sorry!
I thought we were meeting at 10am?
2. Can you just bring him with you?
Oh, if only I’d known what’s involved with getting out of the door, let alone ‘going out’ with a little one. When I said just bring him with you I didn’t realise this would mean Mum-friend chasing her little one around the coffee shop for an hour while I talked to myself. I’m sorry!
3. Why is 8pm too late to go out?
There was a time when I ate dinner when I was hungry, around 8 or later and I’d happily go out several times a week ‘til late, later at weekends knowing I could recover with a long lie in the next day. Now, with a little tummy to feed that is ready for dinner at 5pm my appetite has been trained to be satisfied earlier. And with a mini alarm call of ‘Muuuummm!’ around 6am, Monday to Sunday, staying out past 10pm without yawning is a challenge! So, I’m always up for an early dinner which normally means rolling into bed earlier unless things get out of hand! I’m sorry!
You want to go out at what time?!
4. Just get a babysitter!
It’s not like ordering a takeaway. We have a trusted list of babysitters, mostly family and friends, to call on. But they are busy people too and these things need to be planned, often, weeks in advance. Sure, there are babysitting services out there, but sometimes parents are just not comfortable leaving their kids with someone they’ve only just met, who doesn’t know their child and has often just entered adulthood themselves. I’m sorry!
5. Why can’t they eat what we’re eating?
I’d often invite my parent-friends around for weekend lunches. It never occurred to me that my friends’ kids would not eat exactly what was on my menu. What do you mean they don’t like Panang Curry with a side of stir-fried Asian veggies? Now with a son whose has the most non-adventurous palate out there, I appreciate anyone who offers something that will pass by my son’s lips. I’m sorry!
Tell us what are the worst things you’ve said to your Mum Friends, before you were a Mum?